who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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