I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
