Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
