He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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