I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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