RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
