I just made out with a guy for $7.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
