i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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