Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
