Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
