Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
