The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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