I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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