I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
