handjob tips. give me some.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
