I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
