I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
