Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
