You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You left your underwear on the fireplace
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
