FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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