Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
