You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
