I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
