Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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