i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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