He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
