that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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