Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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