He is an equal opportunity slut.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
