i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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