Im at strip club and am horny
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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