I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
