He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
