....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
