So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
