it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
