I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
