i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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