and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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