Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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