I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
