oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
