I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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