He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
