I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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