the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
