why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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