I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
