I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
