i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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