I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
