An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
