You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
