i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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