totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
wow bdsm is so cute
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