hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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