I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
